Universe renews 100-year lease with Reality

Earthlings and life on earth face renewed pressure and calls to meet realistic standards set by the Universe, a PR spokesperson for the Universe said Wednesday. While reality has never gone away, the Universe made a rare, but recurring centennial visit to conventioneers at a summit meet near the Swiss Alps in early February. The 15th year of each century was chosen instead of the turn of the century, perhaps in reference to the Ides of March in 44BC, where Julius Caesar was assassinated. Spanning 22 centuries, the practice actually goes much farther, to approximately 13 billion years. “Rounding the year to 15 and making it official with centennial ceremonies makes for a harmonious cooperation between Earth’s diplomats and the Universe, said a Swedish representative for one of Earth’s federated nations. “But the actual terms of the agreement are cooperative only for the centennial gathering and related communication between the Universe and the Earthlings. Everything else that happens before and after the event is not re-negotiated on an annual or even decennial basis.”

Typical expectations of the Universe are not limited to: overdue mortgage payments, a stagnating economy, regional war, and even the local road repair. “That the Universe is showing up just to say, “I’m still here” is a bit rubbing it in, said a Universe spokesperson. “But most people in their lifetimes won’t see the Universe in public once, so for some, it’s a bittersweet event.”   

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